


Millstone

by deadend1995



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Teen Romance, Wammy House
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-25 18:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12537960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadend1995/pseuds/deadend1995
Summary: As Mello feels himself beginning to crack under the pressure of possibly succeeding L, he unexpectedly finds solace from the more unlikely of sources. Near has always wanted to feel closer to Mello, his counterbalance. But will they ever be able to truly leave behind the rivalry created for them inside Wammy's House?





	1. I

Living in Wammy's House had left Mello with a feeling of perpetual urgency. The institution's purpose was producing a successor for L. Mello believed in it, too. In fact, he wanted to succeed L. He wanted it to be his destiny. He pursued it so that he felt that if he ever stopped moving, he would fall so far behind that his purpose would pass him by.

Of course, once Near came into the picture, he always felt like he was behind. Mello remembered being very young and seeing the boy for the first time and wondering if he was going to die. With all the color drained from him, he looked like a small walking corpse. Mello would come to think of this memory as the only moment that he didn't hate Near with all his heart. After that point, it started becoming clear why Near was in Wammy's House. It seemed that there was nothing he didn't excel in, and he was soon surpassing his older peers in every class. Mello included.

Mello had hoped that he could outdo Near by gathering more knowledge than him. Knowledge about anything and everything. If Near studied for two hours, Mello studied for four. If Near learned a language, Mello learned three. If Near solved 50 equations, Mello solved 100. But somehow he always came up short. He didn't know what he was missing. Why couldn't he be as good as Near?  
How many times did he pound his fists into the damp ground of the courtyard after receiving exam results? How many hours had he poured over library books and articles, trying to get the upper hand? How many times did he fall short, and fall again? Trying to recall every instance made Mello feel sick to his stomach, so he avoided it. He kept moving, he couldn't fall behind. It didn't matter that he was working harder. What mattered was who won in the end.

Near, of course, remained generally unaffected by Mello's abhorrence towards him. In fact, he liked Mello quite a lot. Near felt that when he looked inside himself, he met with a long emptiness, but when he looked at Mello... Mello was _so much_ , so impossible to ignore, it was hard not to admire him.  
He understood why the older boy didn't like him. Mello felt that Near's presence was threatening to his future, of course, he would dislike him. But Near would often wish it wasn't so. He would wish that, instead, they were people living their lives because they wanted to. He felt that outside Wammy's House, where these rules didn't apply, it would be easier to reach out to Mello. He wondered if finding some of Mello's vim would be able to replace his own frailty, but there was no way to find out.

\---

Near was twelve when the Kira investigation began. Mello was thirteen. They started learning more about L's opponent. This faceless murderer who could kill people without touching them. As a couple of years passed, they began to understand that one of them could have to replace L at any time. But if Kira killed him, then what? He had never told them who he had chosen to succeed him. That idea alone made Mello feel ill. If L never had the chance to choose, would Roger assign the duty to Near by default? Try to pair them together? The former broke his heart, and the latter infuriated him.

"They can't pit us against each other our entire lives and then expect it to go away," he told Matt after sharing this concern with him.

"Exactly. He probably doesn't know how to work with anyone anyway," Matt agreed, closing his sentence with a shrug.

They were hanging around past the treeline behind the Wammy's courtyard. Matt had hidden a stash of cigarettes in a tree hollow there. Usually, Matt would smoke while Mello ate a chocolate bar or another treat. But Mello hadn't been able to eat anything in a few days. Or sleep. All he felt like he could do was study, talk to Matt, and lay on his bed and look at the ceiling."This is going to kill me soon if I don't just do it first," Mello said, rubbing his face restlessly.

"Mm, don't let Roger hear you say that," Matt mumbled around the cigarette in his mouth.

"Yeah, well, do you really think he could blame me?"

"Hey, you aren't actually thinking about that, are you? Be serious."

"Of course not, but I'd be lying if I said I'm not having trouble picturing a future for myself. Say L doesn't pick me, then what? Will my body just start breaking down? Of course not, I'll have to keep living, but for what? If I'm not competing with Near, then what am I doing? Who am I if I'm not trying to beat him?"

Matt said nothing, looking at Mello for a few moments before letting his eyes fall to the toe of his sneaker. Mello sighed before he continued.  
"And what if he did choose me? I really wonder sometimes... Would I really be able to succeed L? Even though I want to, that doesn't mean I would do a good job."

"Of course you would," Matt argued. "If you keep doubting yourself it'll only make you feel worse. I know L is working on a dangerous case, so you feel pressured. But I know if it came down to it, you would be a great L."

Despite his tiredness, Mello smiled at his friend. "Thanks. But...," he trailed off, smile fading. "I hope L doesn't die. I...I don't know if I'm ready, you know? I admire L, I don't want him to die anyway, but under that kind of pressure... I can't predict what I would do."

Matt nodded understandingly, giving Mello a quick once-over and realizing just how exhausted the other boy looked. "You really should try to sleep. A tired mind won't help you any," he said, and Mello sighed again.

"I guess you're right," he conceded. Talking to Matt had made him feel a little better, so maybe sleep would come easier.

They said their goodbyes and Mello headed back inside. The walk was arduous and he felt spaced out. He made his way upstairs, to the second-floor bedrooms in the left wing. Most of the older children lived in this wing, as there were single rooms instead of shared rooms. It was nice to have space to himself, but he was just down the hall from Near as well. Near had always had a room to himself though, and Mello scowled when he remembered this.

As he approached Near's door to continue to his own, he noticed that the other boy's door was ajar. This was peculiar, as Near almost always had his door closed, whether he was inside or not. Mello had only ever gotten glimpses of the space, usually on days when Roger had everyone clean their rooms top to bottom.

He paused in front of the door, his eyes drawn to it. He couldn't help but wonder how Near set his room up. He was sure he would have some place where he kept all his toys and puzzles. Of course, everyone had a desk, chair, and bookshelf in their room, too. Decorations were free game. Mello tried to picture the kinds of decorations Near would want. Mello personally kept a couple of corkboards up to pin up pictures, notes, reminders, and other things too. If Near had a corkboard, what would be on it?

Mello tried to peek through the small opening and saw only the front end of Near's desk, facing the wall. Mello's desk faced the window...did that reduce his focus? He bit his lip when he thought about it. Maybe even small things like that were the reason that Near was better than him...

He decided he needed to see the rest of Near's room. He pushed the door open the rest of the way, confident the other boy would be sure to close it if he were inside.

But, he was mistaken.

To his horror, Near was sitting right there on his bed. He had a knee drawn up to his chest while he read a book positioned in front of him. He looked up with a rare flash of surprise on his face, and Mello froze. He noticed Near's had placed his bed lengthwise along the wall with the window. What a weird place for him to put it.

"Did you need something, Mello?" Near asked. He sounded genuinely curious.

"N-no. I saw your door open and thought it was weird," Mello muttered in response.

"Ah, I didn't realize I hadn't closed it. How air-headed of me."

Near's casual jab at himself surprised Mello. Somehow he always assumed Near would hate any hint of degradation. He glanced away and saw that Near had his toys neatly lined in the bottom half of his bookshelf. Looking for a second longer, he noticed Near sorted them by color. A small plastic bin sat next to the bookshelf. Mello assumed it was full of other things that Near wasn't able to stack on the shelves.

"Yeah, well...," Mello trailed off, thoroughly embarrassed. He kept his eyes down and reached for the doorknob to close himself out.

"I don't mind if Mello opens the door."

"What?" Mello said, looking up.

"I don't mind if you open it," Near repeated.

Confused, Mello stood there for another moment with his hand on the doorknob. "Why don't you care if I open your door?" he demanded. "You always keep it closed."

"If you want to come in my room, it doesn't bother me. Being around you is all right to me," Near answered.

"I...I don't want to," Mello managed before he shut Near's door, then hurried down the hall to his own room. What kind of response was that to someone coming in your room without knocking? Telling them to do it again?

Mello shook his head and crumpled onto his unmade bed. Surely Near was taunting him, trying to make him feel like an idiot. And it had worked. He laid there until the sky began turning orange with the setting sun, reliving the moment of Near's eyes falling on him over and over. Probably laughing at him on the inside.

Gritting his teeth, Mello sat up. He refused to let Near make him feel stupid. It was his fault for leaving the door open in the first place, and he had said that stupid thing about Mello coming in his room. That just meant he could barge in again and annoy the other boy for a while if he really wanted to. Sitting up with a mischievous grin, Mello decided that in fact, he did want to. If Near was in his room trying to study, he could bother him. Or if he wasn't in his room, now Mello had an excuse to look through his things, maybe disorganize him a bit. It was less often that Mello took actions against Near this way, though when he was younger he spent many hours in detention for hitting the smaller boy or breaking his things. He decided he was past that...sort of.

Arriving at Near's door, Mello found it open again, and more so than before. He couldn't help but feel a residual twinge of embarrassment as he pushed the door open again. But this time, Near was nowhere to be found. Probably in the common room, Mello decided.

He looked around before stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. The last thing he needed was someone telling on him for going into Near's room by himself. No doubt he would die from humiliation if that happened. He figured he should try to make this quick, and started looking through Near's bookshelf.

They had many of the same books, Mello noticed. It seemed Near didn't care for modern fiction as much, though. _As to be expected,_ Mello thought with a roll of his eyes. He looked down and noticed that the plastic bin next to the bookshelf now had its lid off and set to the side. He saw now that it was full of different boxes of puzzles. Near had opened the bin as if inviting Mello to look through it. The older boy frowned. Had he just left it open, or did he count on Mello coming back?

Discontented, he sat on the edge of Near's bed. How was it that this kid, this little twerp, was always beating him? This boy who played with trains and puzzles was basically doing circles around him at any given time. It wasn't fair. Near had no idea how it felt to want something so badly that it overwhelmed his mind and senses. It just came to him. He didn't have to want it because it was already his.  
Mello's jaw clenched and he yanked Near's pillow onto his lap to start punching it. He did this often, though usually to his own bedding. His frustration could only be contained physically for so long. Once he felt like he could relax his fist he was breathing hard, and he felt even more drained. Without thinking about it he leaned over so that he was laying on Near's bed on his side.

_I don't deserve this,_ he thought. _I don't deserve to be so frustrated and so tired. Every day I work hard, so why...?_

Suddenly, Mello let out a long yawn, stretching his legs out with it a bit as well. Gods, he was so tired. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so exhausted. Laying on Near's bed, though, his body was starting to relax. He didn't even have the strength to fight it. He could smell the soft scent of vanilla shampoo and antibacterial soap. The smell of Near. Like a spell, Mello drifted to sleep, Near's pillow pulled up against his chest.

\---

Near couldn't help but feel a bit nervous when he came back to his room and saw that his door was shut. He figured that there was a fifty-fifty chance of Mello returning to his room, but now he knew where those odds had fallen. It had gotten late by now... Was the older boy planning to ambush him? Or had he laid waste to Near's room, perhaps?

  
Carefully, Near opened the door and peeked inside. What he saw made him jump, though with surprise instead of fear.

Mello was asleep on his bed. Hugging his pillow. His legs were hanging off the side.

Near stared at him for a few moments to see if he was faking, but Mello didn't budge. His breaths came softly, and slowly. His face was relaxed, absent of the scowl or the grin that Near had become accustomed to seeing. _He looks he should be in a painting,_ Near thought. _He's..._

His heart skipped a beat and he glanced away. Too lovely to look at for too long.

The pale boy made his way over to the bed and very, very gingerly lifted Mello's legs onto the bed as well. Near froze when Mello made a quiet noise and started shifting, but to his relief, the blond just rolled over and continued to sleep. Near found himself smiling, but he quickly got embarrassed about it. If Mello woke up to Near smiling down at him, he was likely to punch the younger boy.

Near went to his closet and reached up on the tips of his toes to grab the extra blanket stored there since Mello had fallen asleep on top of the comforter. He gently covered the older boy up, and he saw Mello pull the blanket tighter to him in his slumber. Near grabbed his other pillow to put on the floor and sat next to his bookshelf, opposite the bed. As he pulled his knees to his chest he allowed himself to smile again. Maybe Mello would walk with him to breakfast in the morning since he would already be there. If Mello wanted to, Near could start eating breakfast. The thought made Near feel warm inside, and he fell asleep with a pleased look on his face.

\---

When Mello finally began to wake up, he realized how dark it had become. He sat up, stretching his arms up over his head. _Finally, some decent sleep,_ he thought. He finally felt a bit more rested. Even though he hadn't made it all the way through the night, he figured it was at least something.

Quickly, though, he froze.

As he looked around the small dark room, he began to remember. This wasn't his room at all. This was Near's room.

At first, Mello was mortified. He had fallen asleep on Near's bed. In Near's room. Where Near slept, usually. That's when he noticed the boy's absence. He looked around the room, squinting and trying to get his eyes to adjust. He finally saw the small boy curled up next to the bookshelf, fast asleep. Mello frowned and looked down, becoming aware of the blanket laid over him.

Near had...let him sleep here? Had tucked him in, even?

Mello's face went hot with mortification, and some other emotion he couldn't quite put his finger on. He delicately left the bed and tip-toed towards the door, but he stopped himself before he reached the doorknob.

Gratitude. That's what he was feeling. He felt grateful towards Near.

_Damn it,_ he thought. _Like hell I'll be indebted to that little runt._

He quickly turned and grabbed the blanket off of the bed and inched towards Near with it. He lightly wrapped it around the boy, and to his surprise, he saw Near's lips curl up into a smile.

_Near...smiling..._

Mello carefully let himself out into the hallway, turning the doorknob so that it wouldn't make any noise when he opened or closed it. What a strange thing for Near to do...a strangely fond thing for him, to do, at that. Shaking his head, the blond turned to head for his own room, knowing he'd had all the sleep he was going to get that night.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mello finds the idea of treating Near amicably particularly hard to swallow. Near seems to be a well of patience that doesn't dry up.

Despite the few merciful hours of sleep he'd managed to squeeze out, by the time the sun had risen, Mello felt as tired as ever. He'd tossed and turned on top of his comforter for hours, trying to decide what to do about Near. Avoiding him wasn't an option, unfortunately. He was right down the hall, after all, and that was the source of this whole mess in the first place. He didn't want to confront the younger boy, either, because what would he say? 'Why did you let me sleep in your bed last night'? 'Why is your bed the only place I've been able to sleep a wink in days'?

"Ugh...," Mello mumbled, finally dragging his body into a sitting position on the edge of his mattress. He felt stiff, and truthfully he didn't want to go to class, but he was sure that Matt was waiting for him in their usual spot in front of the library. Mello pulled on a clean outfit before grabbing his bookbag and heading downstairs to meet his friend, but when he arrived, no one was there.  
  
_Did he sleep in? Lazy ass,_ Mello thought to himself. He only hung around for a minute or two before he decided to go look for the other boy, bitterly unamused by the whole thing. He hadn't realized it until now, but he wanted to talk to Matt about this new development with Near. Matt had trouble taking things seriously sometimes, but he never judged Mello and he did admittedly have a knack for making him feel better.  
  
Mello continued down the hall, intending to stop at Matt's room, but as he approached the common room at the far end of the corridor he could hear a soft conversation coming from inside. He peeked around the door frame and what he saw made him go cold inside with a sort of dreadful embarrassment.  
  
Matt and Near, having a conversation. Near with his back to him. Matt looking down at Near like he was listening to him carefully.  
  
Though he wanted to talk to Matt about last night, this was not how he wanted his friend to find out about it. Not at all.  
  
"Ahem," Mello fake-coughed into his hand as he stepped through the threshold into the common room.  
  
Near looked over his shoulder quickly, almost seeming startled before his expression smoothed again and he turned back to Matt. "Anyways, thank you, Matt," he said quietly and turned to leave. As he passed Mello at the door, the blonde's hand shot out, gripping Near's arm just above his elbow. Near visibly jumped this time and looked up at Mello with wide, unreadable eyes. Mello glared back down at him wordlessly, squeezing the younger boy's arm until Near's lips twitched with discomfort. Finally, Mello let him go, pushing him away as he did so. Near's head seemed to hang a bit lower as he disappeared around the corner.  
  
"What was that for?" Matt asked Mello as he approached him.  
  
"What were you talking about?" Mello demanded, ignoring the other boy's question.  
  
"Huh? Oh, Near asked me about you, actually. He was wondering if you might be sick or something."  
  
"And you told him to fuck off and mind his own business, I'm sure?"  
  
"Well, not exactly," Matt said, his laugh a bit uncomfortable. The intensity coming off of Mello right now was a little overwhelming. "I told him I wasn't sure, and that he'd have better luck asking you."  
  
"He should know better than to ask me anything," Mello replied hotly.  
  
"That's what he said, actually. I told him I was sorry I didn't know for sure, and now here we are," the other boy assured him. "Wait...why does he think you're sick, anyway?"  
  
_Fuck._  
  
Mello rolled his eyes, looking away to fiddle with a stray thread coming off of his bookbag strap. "No reason, really," he mumbled. The anger was starting to give way to his chagrin again. "Just...I guess I was acting pretty weird yesterday."  
  
"Mello, you're always weird."  
  
"Shut up, I mean...well...I sort of somehow ended up falling asleep in Near's room last night. On his bed. And now- I don't know how yet- but now I think he wants to use it against me. Or at least use it to make me feel stupid," Mello admitted. When he glanced up, he saw Matt looking at him with a serious face.  
  
"Mello..."  
  
Mello gulped, looking away again.  
  
"Do you hear yourself when you talk sometimes?" Matt finished, laughter tinging the edges of his words.  
  
Now Mello looked up and frowned deeply, a blush dusting his cheeks as his friend chuckled at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"I mean...first of all, what were you doing in Near's room?"  
  
"W-well...long story short," Mello said, because he surely wasn't going to admit to Matt that he initially wanted to snoop around Near's room undisturbed, "he just told me I could come in whenever I like. So I went, because...well, because I could."  
  
"Right. And in that time you managed to fall asleep. On Near's bed."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"And he didn't kick you out or tell on you."  
  
"...No."  
  
"But he's going to use it against you."  
  
"...Look, Matt, I know how it sounds--"  
  
"I don't think you do, Mello," Matt told him plainly. "You're my best friend, and I'm not Near's biggest fan or anything, but I don't think he's as cold as you think he is. And I don't believe he's trying to manipulate you, either. Thinking that way about every little thing that he does is why you weren't able to get any sleep in the first place."  
  
Mello's grip on his bag tightened. He wanted to tell Matt off, shout that he was wrong and that Near had done a bang-up job of fooling him, too. But he bit his tongue and said nothing, choosing to nod wordlessly instead.  
  
"Now c'mon, we're already late," Matt said, slinging an arm around Mello's drooping shoulders, and together they walked to class like that.

  
\---

  
The rest of the morning passed uneventfully. Mello had trouble focusing on the lesson in his first class, and even more in the class after that, where Near sat across the room from him. He couldn't help but steal looks at the back of the other boy's head, covered in those fine, white curls. When they were younger, Mello would grab the long hair at the back of Near's head and twist it to make him cry in pain.  
  
"That's what you get," Mello would tell him. _"That's what you get for messing with me!"_  
  
Somehow, now Mello flinched at the memory.  
  
At one point, Near seemed to realize he was being looked at and looked over his shoulder a bit until his gaze met Mello's. The blonde immediately flushed, but he knew looking away wouldn't look much better. As his gaze lingered, he thought he saw the corners of Near's lips begin to lift, but he finally abandoned his shame and turned his head quickly.  
  
After their last class of the day, Matt asked him to come play soccer with him and some of the other boys, but Mello declined, choosing to stay in the library instead. He hoped that working on his assignments for a class would distract him from the rotten feeling he'd had all day, and for a while, he was lucky enough that it worked. He was just finishing up a calculus study guide when Linda came into the library, and he could tell by first glance that something was stuck in her craw. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes in exasperation as he heard her footsteps approaching.  
  
"Mello, I've been looking for you," she said sharply, her hands planted firmly on her hips. Linda was kind-hearted, but she had a hard head, and she wasn't intimidated by Mello in the slightest. So he generally avoided her when he could.  
  
"Why ever would you be doing that, Linda?" he sighed, keeping his eyes on the textbook in front of him.  
  
"Are you the one who gave Near that bruise on his arm?"  
  
At this, Mello stiffened and looked up. "Why is it that if something happens to Near, you always assume it's my fault?"  
  
"I wouldn't think that way if you didn't always end up being the one behind it anyway," Linda retorted, her eyes narrowing into a glare. "Besides, Near won't tell me who did it, so I assumed that it must be you."  
  
Mello slammed his palms onto the table and stood up, starting Linda a bit. He heard the librarian 'shh' them from behind her desk, but he was already putting his things in his bookbag.  
"If you do something else to him, I'll find out and tell Roger!" Linda threatened him one last time, but he ignored her, breezing past and out of the library.  
  
_Stupid Near. Now he's tattling on me to Linda?_ Mello thought. _No, she's so nosy she probably pestered him to death for showing the slightest bit of discomfort. How annoying._  
  
Away from the library, Mello's thoughts turned to Near again. He had never really tried or even thought of separating Near from his status as first. It seemed inherent to him that the other boy would despise anyone trying to take his place at the top of the ranks, but now that he thought about it, he never really acted that way. He didn't boast about his grades or test scores, and he didn't do anything to impede Mello from surpassing him.  
  
_Other than being fucking unsurpassable,_ Mello thought angrily, _but that's not the point._  
  
Arriving at his room, Mello tossed his bookbag in the corner and kicked the door half-shut. He moved to sit on the bed with his back against the wall and rested his head back, watching the ceiling fan make lazy circles above him. Had he really been so blinded by insecurity that he'd misread Near completely?  
  
Every part of his life so far had been about beating Near and succeeding L. Near was an obstacle to overcome, Mello's supreme antagonist. Never his ally. Certainly never his friend.  
  
Feeling consumed, Mello let his head loll to the side a bit, his eyes falling on the door but not really focusing. That is until he heard a small, quick inhale. Mello frowned and peered closer, finally taking notice of the pair of eyes watching him through the crack in the door. He sprang up and yanked the door open.  
  
"Near."  
  
The smaller boy stood there with his eyes wide, his hands drawn up about halfway to his chest. He said nothing and simply gazed up at Mello. In that moment, Mello thought he looked really small.  
  
"What do you want?" the older boy asked coldly, and Near blinked quickly, realizing he should speak.  
  
"I wanted to tell you that, ah...," Near began, trying to choose his words carefully. "If I did something yesterday evening to make you particularly angry with me, I apologize."  
  
Now it was Mello's turn to be stricken silent. Near was at his door...apologizing? Had hell frozen over?  
  
"Are you fucking with me?" he finally asked.  
  
"W-what? No," Near answered as Mello inspected him closely for any sign of deceit. It was rare to see the younger boy in a fluster. It was kind of interesting, even. He was clearly playing the situation by ear.  
  
"Tell me, Near, why do you care if I'm angry at you? And why don't you tell on me when I fall asleep in your bed, or when I hurt your arm?" Mello asked, leaning down closer to Near's face. "Hmm?"  
  
Near looked away and reached up to wind a lock of white hair around his finger. The motion comforted him, made it easier for him to speak.  
"I suppose I wish that Mello and I could be friends. That's all."  
  
Mello straightened up quickly, frowning. "I'm getting sick of you saying these things, trying to make me look stupid," he said, and Near almost looked irritated.  
  
"Don't you ever get sick of playing their game, Mello? Is there even a way to win at all?" Near asked, finally looking to hold his gaze. For a long time, neither of them said anything. They wordlessly searched each other's eyes, but both were careful to give away nothing.  
  
Finally, Mello mumbled, "I won't be a part of anybody's game."  
  
"And you shouldn't have to be," Near agreed with a surprising quickness. "None of us should. So..." He trailed off, and Mello arched an eyebrow. "So why don't we go down to breakfast together tomorrow?"  
  
Now Mello's expression fell into one of pure surprise. "Huh?"  
  
"We don't have to be friends if you don't want to, but we don't have to let them make us bitter enemies, either," Near explained.  
  
Again Mello fell silent, trying to find a trace of malice in the younger boy's tone or expression. The sick feeling in his stomach had balled up, evolved into this wide, aching feeling that he couldn't quite pin down. For the first time, he wondered what his life would have been like if he'd lived it without ever knowing L. Without ever knowing Near. Envy was that heavy feeling in his gut. Envy for that blissful oblivion, that peace he wouldn't ever be able to know now.  
  
_Fuck it, then,_ Mello decided. _What's the harm then? Fuck it._  
  
"Alright. We can do that," he finally agreed in a tempered voice.  
  
It was Near's turn to look surprised. "Ah, really? Good, good," the younger boy said, nodding. "I can meet you here in the morning, then."  
  
"Fine, fine," Mello replied, feeling himself get a bit embarrassed at the hint of enthusiasm in Near's voice. "Just make sure you knock."  
  
"Mello doesn't knock on my door," Near said, the corner of his lips twitching up slightly. Was he...teasing him?  
  
"Yeah, and I'm not gonna," Mello scoffed. "Get lost before I decide I'd rather sleep in than see your face in the morning."  
  
"Tomorrow, then," Near affirmed with a nod, and this time, Mello was sure he saw the younger boy with a small grin as turned to go down the hall. Mello shut his door and went to slump into his desk chair, staring vacantly out the window and trying to discern exactly what it was that he thought he was doing.  
  
He ultimately decided that he had no idea and that thus far, planning ahead had done nothing but fail him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took so much longer to get this chapter out than i anticipated, and i apologize! i hope that you all can be patient with me as i try to get back into the habit of meeting my own deadlines again, lol. im also planning on writing another meronia fic, this one will be a straight-up AU so i hope you'll keep your eyes out for that one as well! thank you again for reading, please leave any feedback in the comments!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading my fic! this is the first time i've publicly written anything in literally years so im a bit rusty but i hope that others will read and enjoy it :') i'm also looking for someone to beta the further chapters for me as i write them, so if anyone is interested please drop me a line! any feedback or criticism is GREATLY appreciated, feel free to contact me or just say hi! the song associated with the title is millstone by brand new. a millstone is a heavy, inescapable burden.


End file.
